How to Avoid Smothering the Spark in Your Relationship

A man and woman silhouetted against an orange background and turned away from them.

Being in a loving relationship with someone you deeply care about is an incredible thing. Over time, however, some couples experience a period during which their romantic spark fades. For whatever reason, interactions with one another devolve into simply existing. When this happens, it’s important to remember that it doesn’t signal the end of your relationship. Here are several great ways to feed the spark between you and your significant other.

Continue “Dating”

A young couple playing video games.

Many couples attach a label to their relationship—dating, engaged, married, etc. Regardless of your title, it’s absolutely essential that the two of you continue “dating.” When a person starts dating someone for the first time, he or she tends to spend significantly more time paying attention to the small things. This is sometimes referred to as a discovery phase, during which the two people simply enjoy learning about one another. New relationships are full of all sorts of discoveries and exciting experiences, so it’s very easy to remain engaged in the moment.

Once couples have spent more time together, however, the excitement sometimes begins to wear off. If you’re worried that you and your significant other are becoming too comfortable, the best solution is to spend some quality time together. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant; small moments like watching a movie together, going for a hike, playing a board game, or completing a craft project together are enough to help keep your spark alive. The important thing is that the two of you spend time together doing something you both enjoy.

Take Some Alone Time

While spending time together is important, it’s just as vital that you both set aside some time to be alone as well. After all, everyone needs some time to themselves sometimes. Couples in newly-forming relationships are often tempted to spend as much time as possible with each other. This sentiment is understandable, but can cause problems down the road. It’s right to want to learn about your significant other, however, it’s essential that each party has time to recharge in their own way. This is particularly true for introverts, who really need time to themselves occasionally.

Alone time doesn’t have to mean complete separation, which does become especially hard when you live together. Stepping into different rooms to read a book or work on a project is completely acceptable. It’s really best when both of you can find a hobby that allows for some time to settle into your own headspaces. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but every now and then a little time away is definitely warranted.

Keep the Conversation Alive

Two women reading from a book together.

Here’s something I bet you’ve experienced before: you’re in the middle of an activity with your significant other when a memory is triggered and you begin telling your partner all about it…the only problem is, you’ve already told that story once or twice before! In some cases, your other half may even finish it for you. Unfortunately, after spending so much time together, conversation can become a bit repetitive or stagnant. While this isn’t ideal, the real trouble starts when couples decide it’s just not worth communicating anymore.

Communication is absolutely essential to a successful relationship. Without it, there’s really no reason to remain together. The best way to ensure you and your significant other don’t lose this aspect of your relationship is to take time to experience new things. This can be together or separate, and it doesn’t require much. Keeping the conversation fresh can be as easy as reading about or watching current events, picking up a new book, trying out something new, or catching up with old friends. Anything can ultimately help you strike up a conversation.

Another option is to find new things to experience together. This may mean dedicating time to a television show neither of you have seen before, trying out a new hobby, or having a mini book club together. Trying new things will absolutely give the two of you something to talk about.

Remember Why You’re Together

The best way to keep the spark alive is to remember why the two of you decided to be together in the first place. Above all, this is the most important aspect of remaining close. Never stop reflecting on the beginning days of your relationship: how you met, what the two of you were wearing, who spoke first, and what was said? These little details are precious and they’re what make your relationship unique.

It’s easy enough to appreciate your significant other on big holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays, but you need those feelings all year long. Reminiscing about your first date, a favorite vacation, or your wedding can help fill the space between when things are hectic, stressful, and ordinary. Taking a little time to appreciate your relationship can go a really long way, especially if it makes you smile or laugh together.

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