You get tons advice when you’re about to get married, and I feel like a lot of it just goes in one ear at out the other, at least it did for me. I was too excited! There were things to plan, vendors to book, and parties to attend! But after our wedding, as we entered our married life, I started to realize that there actually was a thing or two about marriage that might’ve been good to know ahead of time.
Being Married Feels Different
It might not be the case for everyone, but for me being married felt different than dating or even being engaged. I’m not even sure exactly how to explain it, but our relationship absolutely had a new weight to it. This wasn’t necessarily even a good or bad thing, it was just a noticeable change. And as someone who wasn’t expecting it to feel any different, that was a strange realization about married life.
Logistics Should Be Top Priority
After you get married (and when you’re back from your honeymoon, of course!) you should handle the logistics as soon as humanly possible. If you or your partner are going to change your names, do that. If you need to adjust health insurance or bank accounts or move into a new place or update your beneficiaries, do it right now. I know it sounds like a total drag but the sooner you get logistics into place, the sooner you can start having fun! The more you put things off, the harder it’s going to be to get yourself to do them. Do you and your spouse need to hash out your plans for money and budgeting? Do it today, just do it. Your future selves will thank you!
“Don’t Go to Bed Angry” Is Terrible Advice for Me
I don’t know about you, but when I’m exhausted, I’m not always at my very best. Which means that refusing to go to bed because my partner and I aren’t on the same page is not always a great call. I’m sure it works for some people, but for me it’s an absolute disaster. Sometimes the best thing for your relationship when you’re disagreeing is for you both to sleep on the conversation and resume later when you’re in a better state.
Not Every Piece of Wedding Advice Will Work for You
When you’re about to get married, you hear loads of marital advice. What to do, what not to do, and everything in between! The trouble is, at the end of the day a lot of it contradicts each other. And even more important than that, it’s generic advice given without literally any consideration to the personalities and preferences of you two as individuals or as a couple! I learned that it’s most important to figure out what actually works well for my husband and I, not to just arbitrarily follow “marriage rules” simply because someone told me it’s how married life works.
It’s Impossible to Over-Communicate
I have never, and I do literally mean never, regretted communicating with my partner. If anything, we communicated about pretty much everything as we began to navigate our way through newly-married life and it was the best thing we could’ve done. A new marriage has so many things to figure out and it’s important to decide what works best for you and your partner. This means that you’re likely to experience some situations that require consultation and communication. Everything from major decisions like where to live or what type of house to buy, to the little things like who does what chore and what time you choose to go to bed. It can feel overwhelming to be constantly talking and working through these things, but it is an amazing way to start your marriage off right. When in doubt, just ask!
The First Year of Marriage Is Totally Not the Hardest. It’s Awesome!
I certainly can’t speak for everyone here, but my first year of marriage was nothing to be scared of—it was truly, truly awesome! I had a lot of fun living a newlywed life and getting to know my husband even better than I had before. It had challenges, of course, but in general it was a total blast. I’m not sure why people feel compelled to warn brand-new married couples that the first year will be terrible, but that was zero percent my experience and it would’ve been great to go through that without having a tiny piece of my mind that was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Married life—newlyweds or not!—is all about making sure you and your partner are comfortable, content, and on the same page as you travel through life together. And that’s the thing I hope every newlywed makes the grand exit from their wedding knowing!