Wedding planning is already nerve-racking on its own, but thinking your groom isn’t into the process as much as you’d like can multiply the stress levels. How can he not care about color schemes and what the groomsmen wear? Why doesn’t he take your side when his mom insists on having his aunt do the flowers instead of a professional? Why does he always say, “It’s up to you”?
Are you in this alone? The answer, of course, is likely no. Just because your fiancé is not as organized or even as expressive as you doesn’t mean he cares less about the coming celebration.
We spoke to a few past grooms who have been through wedding planning, as well as some who are going through it right now, and here are the most common answers they shared when asked, “What are the thoughts that you’re not sharing about wedding planning?”
I know weddings are expensive, but it still surprises me.
Nowadays, it’s a lot more common for soon-to-be-married couples to foot the bill for their wedding, and everyone’s aware of how expensive a wedding can get. But going over the pricing for each vendor can still surprise a groom. He doesn’t want you to find him cheap, and he definitely wants to give you the best, so let him vent. Show him price differences when you scout for vendors and express why you prefer one particular vendor over the other. Budget management is something you can work on together as a team and it will prove to be useful once you’re actually married.
Just because I don’t know the details doesn’t mean I don’t care.
Not every groom will understand why his boutonniere has to match your bouquet or why the napkins have to complement the linens and table runners. You might be setting yourself up for disappointment if you want to ask his opinion about these things. Yes, he has been dreaming of this wedding, but unlike you, he hasn’t been dreaming of every single detail. Just trust that, like you, he wants the wedding to be beautiful, memorable, and perfect.
Give me a task or responsibility to cover.
Maybe he’s not very useful when it comes to décor or choosing flowers, but your groom can be assigned other things. Think of the things that interest him, like music and cocktails. Let him figure out transportation for both you, your families, and bridal party. Maybe he’s a handyman, and he can work on creating that rustic backdrop you want or add fairy lights to the centerpieces. There are also other menial jobs that you can do together—like putting together the welcome bags or labeling the wedding favors. With wine and cheese in the picture, this can be a fun date night!
Please be kind to my mother.
He loves his mother, so when you don’t see eye-to-eye about the wedding plans, and you complain about her to him, or even pick a fight, it hurts him, too. Still, he knows what he needs to do to maintain the peace. Don’t disrespect her, know that he is on your side, and appreciate his efforts to calm any tension. Show grace under pressure and be more open to compromise so that you can meet his mother halfway.
At the end of the day, I want you to be happy.
This wedding is a celebration that is his as much as it is yours, but he wants the perfect wedding for you. He knows how important this milestone is to you, and he’d move mountains to make it happen for you.