They say there are no stupid questions. However, there are annoying questions. And when you’re busy, stressed, and running around planning a wedding, the last thing you need is people bugging you with this or that.
If you just got invited to a wedding, you’re probably excited and eager to know each and every detail. So, it’s better for you to hear it now. In order to avoid being that guest, you should know what questions you should avoid asking the bride and groom.
“What should I wear?”
…and other questions that can be easily deduced from the invite. Believe it or not, an wedding invitation can tell you a lot without explicitly stating things. And many couples these days will also provide additional info on their wedding website or as an update closer to the date.
Should things be truly ambiguous, first ask someone else who is also invited before inquiring with the couple. However, if it’s something that can be easily Googled, such as “What is black-tie optional?” don’t bug others, either.
“Can I bring my boyfriend/kids/dog?”
Again, the answer to this can be found in the invitation. Unless the individuals are specifically mentioned, the answer is “no.” This is a sure thing when it comes to kids and pets. The only time you should double-check with the couple is if you think they made an honest mistake, such as forgetting to include your husband and/or wife. You might also get some leeway on the plus-one if you literally never met won’t know anyone at the wedding except the bride and groom. But in either case, be prepared to be refused and don’t argue.
“How much did this cost?”
First of all, it’s rude to ask about finances and people’s spending habits. Secondly, the couple really doesn’t need to be reminded of how much they’ve already spent on the wedding. And thirdly, the couple might take this question the wrong way—some guests are known to inquire about the “cost per plate” and similar queries as a way to figure out how much to spend on the gift.
“Can I make a toast?”
Unless it’s an open mic arrangement, this question will only annoy the couple and the hosts. If they want you to say a few words, they will offer you the opportunity.
“Could you do me a favor?”
If you’re thinking about asking the couple to change anything at the event just for you, such as switching the seating chart or allowing a late arrival, you need a reality check. Not even the Queen of England would dare dictate how someone else’s big day should be run.
This includes food. If they’re not offering a vegan menu, don’t ask for one. You may mention it on the RSVP, but don’t expect that they’ll hire a separate caterer just for you. Unless you have a life-threatening food allergy, you shouldn’t bug anyone about your diet preferences.
“When are you having kids?”
This is another nosy question that’s really not OK to ask a couple before, at, or after the wedding. When the time comes, they will tell you. They have other things to worry about right now. Not to mention, it’s a bit presumptuous to think that every couple wants kids in the first place. And it can lead to an awkward response of “We’re not having kids,” followed by the classic conversation killer, “Oh, you’ll change your mind later.”
“Any good gossip from the bachelor(ette) party?”
Avoid asking anything inappropriate, such as what happened at a private pre-wedding event or the couple’s “plans” for their wedding night. And even if you overheard something, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” If you weren’t there, it’s not really your business.
“Are you sure about this?”
Yes, there is the whole, “Speak now or forever hold your peace” aspect to the ceremony, but it’s unlikely that you really have the right to budge into someone’s relationship. Many couples are already nervous leading up to their wedding day, so they don’t need any more factors of doubt. Worst case scenario, imagine what would happen if you end up responsible for breaking a relationship or ruining a wedding?
Should you genuinely be concerned, it’s better to keep things simple and just ask if they’re OK. And if you want to go the extra mile, lend a hand to help them out. That is the only question that’s acceptable to ask.