When it comes to major celebrations such as weddings, many initially take on the “more is merrier” mindset. Unfortunately, for a number of reasons, this is often never the case. Be it due to budget or capacity constraints, there will always be a list of the uninvited. And with that comes another challenge—how do you tell someone that they won’t be coming to your big day?
To keep things simple—you don’t! Unless that person is a very close friend or family member or asks you directly, you don’t owe them an explanation. Not being invited can be hurtful to many, so it’s best not to bring it up in the first place. Now, if they confront you, that’s a different story.
Hopefully, you won’t have to deal with this as it’s a tad rude for a person to assume they’re automatically part of every party. That’s why we have invitations in the first place. But in reality, you will likely have this conversation at least a couple of times.
So, how do you handle it? There are a few tactful ways to tell a person that there’s simply no room for them at your wedding. Whether they’re true or not, you can use one (or two) of the following excuses if someone inquires if their invitation was lost in the mail.
It’s all About the Money
This is by far the most common and likely true excuse for limiting a guest list and most people will understand this. Even if you have cash to splash, you likely don’t have unlimited funds, so you wouldn’t be lying. If the person doesn’t believe you, simply explain that weddings are expensive and every head adds a significant strain on your budget. Some people think that you’re just paying for a guest’s meal. In which case, tell them that there are many other costs associated. And if you don’t mind playing the victim card a bit, add that you’ve already gone over your planned budget.
The Pressure of the Pandemic
The one benefit of COVID-19 (for some) is that it allows for an easy explanation why you’re picky about who gets an invite. This may be and is likely due to government restrictions. However, it’s also a matter of personal preference to some degree. Many couples are reducing their guest lists to allow for maximum social distancing at their wedding. Others do so to make their A-list friends and family feel more comfortable—no one likes crowded places right now. Hopefully, coronavirus won’t be a usable excuse forever, but it’s quite a handy one right now.
You’re Eyeing Intimacy
If you’re having a small wedding, this reason is pretty straightforward. With larger gatherings, it may be tricky to convince someone that this is the case. But either way, you can always say that you’re keeping your big day special by inviting only your closest family and friends. So, if the coworker you rarely talk to asks to come, this should be a reasonable explanation. You can double down on this by saying your parents or in-laws are in charge of the guest list and that it’s sort of out of your control. If they’re paying, this is likely true, anyway.
Blame the Vendors
Some venues, caterers, or other vendors have limits on the number of guests allowed or the number of guests they can serve per event. Again, going back to the coronavirus, this is quite often the case right now. But pandemic aside, you can say that you have your heart set on a specific location, which is capped at a certain amount of guests. Alternatively, say that you’ve already booked a caterer with limited staff or meals and you wouldn’t want them to be left hungry.
What if it’s Not an Excuse?
And what about the guests you couldn’t invite, but truly wanted to? Well, most likely, one of the reasons above is actually true. In which case, explain it to them and add that if someone cancels and a seat comes up, you’ll give them a call. Alternatively, you can host a secondary celebration for your wedding guest “B-list” after the wedding.